Tenchi Muyo! goes 4chan and other random tales!
by TheNameUGiveMe
Summary: This is a series of short stories, each one different from the last but are still correlated. /b/ inspired. Random adventures with Tenchi, Ryoko, Washu, and the rest of the gang. Hope you all enjoy!
1. 4chan Invasion

**Tenchi Muyo goes 4chan**

**(You don't have to know what 4chan is to find this funny but it would help as well as knowing the memes!)**

During the graveyard shift hours of the evening the mad scientist/self proclaimed greatest scientific genius in the universe, Washu, was routinely typing away on her holographic keyboard. A message appeared at the upper right-hand side of her computer screen.

**Washu**: "Who could this be at this hour?"

She opened up the message and a flash text started to dance on her computer screen reading: "Hi! Convert this anime into a 4chan style disaster? – Anonymous"

One of Washu's hand puppets came over her shoulder.

**Washu A**: "It's a trap!"

**Washu**: "Well I've never heard of 4chan but this could be fun! After all it's not like any of my inventions or ideas have put Tenchi and the rest of the girls in peril. CLICK!"

A shockwave shot out of her holographic laptop in all directions. Washu paused for a moment, disregarded it, and went back to work. Minutes later another message appeared on Washu's computer reading: "Invitation to annual science convention. 100,000,000 yen for first place!"

**Washu**: "That's right up alley! How could the greatest scientific genius in the universe turn this down? I accept! CLICK!"

The click led Washu to a viewing screen and a video played. It was the music video for Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up." "You've been RickRoll'd LOL" read the new message.

**Washu**: "Huh? What the hell is this?"

The video played for a few more seconds before she deleted it. (Probably some sort of galactic prank) she thought to herself. Continuing her work another message appeared. This time it read: "Status of experiment 439H."

**Washu**: "Finally. Something I really need to read."

She clicked it and once again Washu was RickRoll'd.

**Washu**: "Ok! Now I'm getting pissed off!"

This process continued for the rest of the night. Soon morning arrived and Tenchi along with the rest of the girls in the house began to wake up. Sasami was up earlier than the rest so she could get a head start on making breakfast. It was just before sunrise when a knock was heard at the front of the Masaki household. Sasami, being, the only person up, decided to go check who it was. She opened the door. A man in a suit was standing outside.

**Man**: "Hi. I'm Chris Hansen. Have you seen this bear?" (He showed Sasami a photo of Pedobear)

**Sasami**: "No"

**Chris** **Hansen**: "Well if you do give me a call." (He handed Sasami his card and left.)

Sasami stopped to think for a moment. (Somehow I get the feeling Washu has something to do with what just happened). Walking back to the kitchen Sasami continued to work on breakfast when an angry Washu walked in and sat down at the table.

**Sasami**: "Washu! Are you alright?"

**Washu**: "No. I couldn't get any work done last night because I kept getting RickRoll'd"

**Sasami**: (With confused look) "What's a RickRoll?"

**Washu**: "Just don't worry about it. The good smell of the food is the only thing keeping my temper from flaring"

**Sasami**: "Do you think you could wake the others up?"

**Washu**: "Yea. Be right back."

Washu went upstairs while Sasami stayed in the kitchen. She look out the window as the sun was peeking over the mountaintops. She smiled thinking it was going to be another great day when suddenly the view of the sun was blocked by a brown bear looking at her pressed against the window. It's big black eyes locked with hers and it began to drool. Sasami remembered the photo Chris Hansen gave her.

**Sasami**: "Oh no! You're that bear Mr. Hansen warned me abou…."

Before she could finish her sentence Pedobear busted through the window and chased Sasami outside the front door and into the woods. Back at the house Washu had just woken everyone else up and they walked downstairs to the kitchen surprised to see Sasami was absent.

**Washu**: "That's odd. She was just here. It's not like her to leave the kitchen with all this food cooking."  
**Ayeka**: "Maybe she went to the restroom. I'll go check there."

**Mihoshi**: "Well while she's gone I'll go ahead and finish making breakfast."

Everyone else gasped.

**Tenchi**: "Uh…Mihoshi I'm glad you want to help but I really think you should just let Sasami take care of that.

**Mihoshi**: "It's okay! I insist!"

**Tenchi**: "Oh boy. Kiyone, could you keep an eye on her?"

**Kiyone**: "I always do anyways."

**Ryoko**: "I'll go check outside."

Ryoko teleported outside and saw a party van in the driveway. She went up closer and read the writings on the side of the van.

**Ryoko**: "4chan party van? Is this Tenchi's father's new van?"

A door opened up and a white coolface stepped out looking at Ryoko.

**Coolface**: "Problem?"

**Ryoko**: "Get the fuck out of here!"

Another being stepped out of the party van. It was a fat, short, green, goblin in his underwear.

**Ralph**: "No"

All doors from the van burst open letting out a variety of memes wreaking havoc on the Masaki property. The last one to leave the van was a long white cat that began to grow taller than any edifice on planet Earth.

**Ryoko**: "Holy shit! That cat is !"

Ryoko watched as the memes continued to ruin property.

**Ryoko**: "You know what? I'm just going to go to my room and drink. That usually solves everything."

Ryoko walked back inside to be greeted by the smell of burning food.

**Ryoko**: "Oh man breakfast is ruined!"

**Tenchi**: "Nevermind that. Did you find Sasami?"

**Ryoko**: "No. But I think we have company. I'm going upstairs to drink. See ya!"

**Tenchi**: "Wait what? Company?"

Before he could get a response from Ryoko she teleported away leaving everyone else downstairs.

**Ayeka**: "I wonder what she meant by company. I'll go look outside."

**Washu** **A**: "IT'S A TRAAAAP!"

**Washu**: "Will you shut up already!?"

Ayeka opened the front door only to be looking at the nose of a large gray Amtrak F40PH locomotive with lights on.

**F40PH**: "It's F40PH time!!"

**Ayeka**: "HUH?"

The locomotive sounded its horn and Ayeka ran back inside slamming the door behind her.

**Tenchi**: "Ayeka. What's wrong? And what was that noise?"

**Ayeka**: (With nervous laugh) "It's nothing. Really. I'll just go try to fix breakf…"

The F40PH burst through the front door with a thunderous crash. Ayeka was now plastered on the front of the locomotive as it gunned its way down the hallway.

**Tenchi**: "Oh Kami! What the hell is going on!? Why is there a train in my house?!?"

Tenchi looked though the massive gap left by the locomotive and saw the state of condition the property was in.

Tenchi: "AAAAAH!! THE YARD! WHAT ARE THESE THINGS?!?!"

A man wearing a black dinosaur shirt came up to Tenchi face to face.

**Tenchi**: "W-w-what are you!?"

**Cockmongler**: "I'll suck your cock!"

**Tenchi**: "WHAT!? ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Mihoshi, Kiyone, I need you outside now!!"

Before Mihoshi and Kiyone could reach Tenchi a figure with 4 arms appeared behind them.

**Dr. Octogonapuss**: "Dr. Octogonapuss…BLAAAUUGGGH!!!"

A laser with Mihoshi and Kiyone at the end of it shot out of the roof and they landed in the pond outside of the house.

**Tenchi**: "Two can play this game! IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAR!!!"

A Shoop Da Whoop appeared on Tenchi's face as he shot his lazar from his mouth into the house eliminating Dr. Octogonapus as well as the F40PH as it burst into a massive fireball. A flaming Ayeka could be seen flying over the mountain side.

**Tenchi**: "Damn! Well I always did like Ryoko better anyways. Time to clean up the rest of this mess!"

Mihoshi and Kiyone resurfaced gasping for air. They swam their way to the deck where Tenchi was standing.

**Mihoshi**: "Oh my head. I don't wanna play anymore."

**Kiyone**: "This isn't a game Mihoshi. We're under attack."

**Tenchi**: "You two. Get up quickly! Let's end this before it gets way out of control!

**Kiyone**: "You got it!"

**Tenchi and Kiyone**: "IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAR! BLAAAUGH!!!!"

**Mihoshi**: "IMMA FIRIN MAH….(a taco is thrown into her mouth) "What's going on? I can't fire the laser and I feel this pressure buildup! (ROYAL RAINBOW)

Mihoshi's head exploded leaving Tenchi and Kiyone to finish off the rest of the memes themselves. Soon the property was free of memes. The only thing left was nothing as the lazars decimated all vegetation and the surrounding mountains were leveled. Out in the distance Sasami could be seen walking back towards the house with an AK-47 in her hands.

**Tenchi**: "Sasami? Where were you!?"

**Sasami**: "I was being chased by a bear who wanted to rape me! I finally finished him off no thanks to you fags! And what the hell was up with all those damn lasers!? I had to dig a deep hole to avoid getting sand blasted!"

**Kiyone**: "We came under attack by these…things! I don't know what they were. They resembled something a computer geek would generate when he doesn't have any time on his hands or a life all together. By the way where did you get that assault rifle?"

**Sasami**: "I kept it hidden in the woods incase I would get chased out of the house. Now if you please excuse me I'm going upstairs to change….WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE?!"

**Tenchi**: "Ayeka let a train come through. It plowed the holy hell out of her all the way to the back of the house."

**Kiyone**: "I see what you did there."

After her shock went away Sasami went inside the highly damaged home. Washu was eating breakfast at the table as if nothing happened. Sasami glared at Washu for a moment then walked upstairs. At the top she was greeted by a hammered Ryoko.

**Sasami**: "Ryoko? Are you drunk?"

Ryoko stood trying to keep her balance and responded.

**Ryoko**: "X has one weakness!"

With a big push Sasami was sent flying back downstairs clearing all but the bottom two landing face first on the wood floor out cold. Seconds later the F40PH that Tenchi blew sky high came down down to Earth landing right on top of Sasami.

**Tenchi**: "Well even though the damage to the house as well as the property is astronomical I think today can still end well."

**Chuck Norris**: "Don't be so sure about that!"

With a flying kick Tenchi landed on his back.

**Tenchi**: "Oh great! Who are you!?"

**Chuck Norris**: "I'm the only meme you didn't kill chump. I have no weakness!"

**Tenchi**: "We'll see about that!"

Tenchi transformed into his Juraian battle uniform and began to battle Chuck Norris. Kiyone ran into the house and grabbed Washu by the throat!

**Kiyone**: "Washu! You've been in here calm and quiet while all hell has been breaking loose! I'm not going to ask how but I know you have something to do with this. Make this all go away now!"

**Washu**: "Okay okay. Geez! I just wanted to have some fun. I'm a mad scientist for crying out loud! Now lets see. Chuck Norris eh. No weakness? I'm not so sure about that. My computer is searching for a way to beat him. BINGO! In the movie "The Way of the Dragon" Chuck Norris is killed by Bruce Lee. We'll have to make a Bruce Lee clone."

**Kiyone**: "How long will that take?"

**Washu**: "Just look outside my dear"

As Chuck was about to use his signature roundhouse kick to knock Tenchi's head clean off a Katana burst through the front of Chuck's chest as blood spray went in all directions. Chuck went down and disappeared. Bruce Lee bowed to Tenchi and went back to Africa. Tenchi transformed back into his normal self. Kiyone was about to run outside to go celebrate the victory with Tenchi when she slipped on a marble and landed on the wreckage of the F40PH. The back of her head hit a shard of metal sticking up from the wreckage penetrating all the way through her forehead. Tenchi walked inside to talk to Washu.

**Tenchi**: "You can bring the house back to normal right? As well as bring everyone back to life?"

**Washu**: "Of course I can."

**Tenchi**: "Great. But now I feel the need to celebrate."

**Washu**: "Hmm (she said seductively) How about a 3 way?"

**Tenchi**: "Wait..what?"

**Washu**: "Oh Ryoko!"

Ryoko appeared in the kitchen now completely sober. Both women looked at Tenchi with evil grins.

**Washu**: "Grab him."

**Ryoko**: "With pleasure!"

**Tenchi**: "Hey wait!! NOO!"

**Washu**: "Now take him to my lab! It's time for another experiment. I promise I won't be gentle either!"

**Tenchi**: "!!!!"

The End!


	2. Spring Break

**OMGWTFBBQ!? A**** sequel****?! ****Ya damn right! Someone requested that I make a sequel so this is dedicated to that person. Sorry I don't know how to check my reviews so I can't specifically dedicate this to you whoever you are but you know who you are so thanks for reading this and I hope you enjoy! **

_**Tenchi Goes 4chan II: Spring Break!!**_

2 weeks had passed since a multitude of 4chan memes made their presence known at the Masaki property. Everyone who perished was brought back to life thanks to the super genius Washu. Not to mention all property damage was restored. The day outside was a clear blue sky with temperatures sitting at a comfortable 79 degrees. Tenchi was sleeping on the couch in the living room having passed out there the night before from a drinking contest with Ryoko. He lost. The morning light caused him to place a pillow over his face blocking the light which made his hangover worse. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

**Ryoko**: "Good morning my dear Tenchi" (she said with a chuckle)

**Tenchi**: "Morning Ryoko…ooo…my freaking head…"

**Ryoko**: "I'll get a moist towel for that"

Ryoko brings back a moist towel and lifts the pillow off Tenchi's face which was followed by Tenchi's nose bleeding profusely.

**Tenchi**: "RYOKO! Why are you naked?!"

**Ryoko**: "What's the big deal? You should be used to it since there are 6 other girls here. Well I certainly hope you haven't seen Sasami without clothes on."

**Tenchi**: "No I haven't and you really should go put…."

Tenchi just stared on for a few seconds gazing at Ryoko's seemingly perfect hourglass shaped body with large breasts.

**Tenchi**: "You know what…forget it. You can just stay naked if you want."

**Ryoko**: "Really?! You normally freak out about this! I'm going to go let everyone else know! WHEEEE!!"

**Tenchi**: "Wait….why!?

But Ryoko had fled. Tenchi became a bit nervous but his hangover got the best of him and he laid back down on the couch. Minutes later he heard multiple footsteps approaching down the stairs. Again he put the pillow back over his face. Then the sound of those footsteps surrounded the couch he laid on. Ryoko removed the pillow again. Tenchi lost about half the blood in his body through his nose as Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, and Kiyone now stood around him completely nude.

**Tenchi**: "Girls! What's the meaning of this!?"

**Ayeka**: "We want to give you a gift."

**Tenchi**: "EEHHH!?!"

With that the 4 girls lifted the couch off the floor that Tenchi was still on and carried it into Washu's lab. They placed it down in front of Washu who was wearing a dominatrix outfit.

**Tenchi**: "Washu! What's happening? Why are you wearing that and why are the girls naked?!"

**Washu**: "Oh look at the time!"

Tenchi looked at a clock in her lab but instead of numbers it said the word "RAPE" in every place where a number should be

**Tenchi**: "Rape?!"

Tenchi reminisced the last time he was in Washu's lab. Both Washu and Ryoko had their way with him but this time it was 5 on 1 instead of 2. He still had slight pelvic pain from his last experience. Robotic arms came from the floor and held Tenchi in place.

**Tenchi**: "Washu, NOOO! Please not this again!"

**Washu**: "It's okay Tenchi…just try to remember to breathe this time! BWAHAHAHA!"

**Tenchi**: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!......."

Noon had soon come and Tenchi was rolled out into the living room in a wheelchair. The girls went upstairs to change while he took medication Washu gave him so he could heal rapidly. Within seconds he felt as if him being dominated never happened. Deep down he somewhat enjoyed it but he still played the polite card. Sasami was engaged in her normal routine of making lunch. Tenchi walked in the kitchen and was then chased out by Sasami wielding an AA-12 shotgun.

**Sasami**: "Get out! You know I don't like others in the kitchen when I'm cooking!"

Tenchi sat back down on the couch. It was spring break in Japan. School was temporarily out of session. His grandfather gave him a few days off as well from chores. He sat wonder what he would do for the next few days. One by one the girls came down stairs and joined Tenchi on the couch. He felt awkward as he kept looking down at the floor. Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, and Kiyone just giggled.

**Ayeka**: "Lord Tenchi, it's quite alright. It's just that once a month we get…well…"

**Ryoko**: "Horny as all get out?! You're damn right! It got to the point where we couldn't wait anymore so we took action!"

**Tenchi**: "But…but…still! I got bent ways I didn't even know I could!"

**Mihoshi**: "It's good for the body!"

**Kiyone**: "Well now that's it out of our systems I think we can continue to have a normal day."

**Ryoko**: "Speak for yourself Kiyone. I'm ready to go anytime Tenchi!"

**Tenchi**: "Yeah…anyways does anyone have any idea what we should do for spring break? Maybe something that doesn't involve my pelvis almost breaking."

**Ryoko**: "With Ryo-oh-ki we can go anywhere. Just name a place."

**Mihoshi**: "Ooo how about America? I've heard they have many hotspots such as beaches for vacationers especially ones on Spring Break!"

**Tenchi**: "But those beaches will be crowded. I prefer somewhere a bit more serene."

**Ryoko**: "Alaska it is!"

**Tenchi**: "Alaska? I guess but something doesn't seem quite right with that choice. I can't quite put my finger on it but oh well. Everyone pack your things."

After lunch Tenchi and the girls packed a few things and got ready to enjoy Spring Break…in Alaska. What could possibly go wrong?

In midflight aboard Ryo-oh-ki Tenchi and the gang relaxed while Washu gathered information concerning the surroundings. Currently they were flying over the Aleutian Islands.

**Washu**: "Hmm…the water temperature has dropped significantly. That shouldn't be a problem though. We're out of food however. I should find a place to stop…Dutch Harbor? Weird when I say Dutch Harbor I think of crab fishing boats. Ryo-oh-ki we're landing in Dutch Harbor."

**Ryo-oh-ki**: "MEOAWR!!!"

Dutch Harbor, Alaska was mountainous so Ryo-oh-ki had no trouble finding a place to land…except she landed right next to the harbor in plain sight of all the crab fishermen who were now looking at the massive ship. But it was only for a moment as they all disregarded it and got back to work. She turned into her cabbit form and the Tenchi gang just looked around.

**Tenchi**: "Washu where the hell are we?"

**Washu**: "Dutch Harbor, Alaska. There was no more food aboard the ship so I figured we'd make a stop."  
**Ayeka**: "But why here in the middle of the harbor?"

**Washu**: "Still trying to figure out why Ryo-oh-ki landed here. I see many people working but no one seems to care."

**Ryoko**: "I'm going to go ask around."

Ryoko walked around and spotted a group of men outside of a large white crab fishing boat known as the _Northwestern_. Walking up to them she asked:

**Ryoko**: "Excuse me but can you guys point me to the grocery store?"

The captain of the boat steps forward

**Sig** **Hansen**: "Over there ma'am but we're filming right now. I don't have a problem with it but the film crew might."

A confused Ryoko looks around to see multiple cameras looking at her. The film crew leader now steps forward.

**Film Crew Leader**: "Miss…you're ruining the show! There are no women on Deadliest Catch!"

**Ryoko**: "Is that so? Eat my laser jack-ass!"

Ryoko sent the film crew leader over the horizon. The others kept filming acting like it was the most normal thing ever.

**Sig Hansen**: "Well it looks like you're the new film crew leader miss."

**Ryoko**: "I supposed I could try something new for a bit."

**Tenchi**: (Now catching up with Ryoko) "Ryoko, what are you doing? You can't just leave!"

**Ryoko**: "I'll be fine Tenchi. Just go enjoy your Spring Break unless you want me to sex you up again!"

**Tenchi**: "……….."

**Sig Hansen**: "Uh, we're filming….oh nevermind…sex sells anyways."

Ryoko left on the _Northwestern_ while the others got the groceries they needed and headed to Anchorage. Not having any clue where to go they walk for a while until they came across a man and his empty bus. He was a mentally retarded African American Greyhound Bus Driver from Fairbanks. His I.Q was over 9000.

**Mark Illilli**: "How may I assist you?"

**Washu**: "If you're mentally disabled why do you talk like you're British and highly intelligent?"

**Mark Illilli**: "It was my high school nickname. I got it from taking all the hamsters in Biology and placing them in a bathtub filled with water then dropping a toaster oven in it."

**The rest of the gang**: "WTF?!!?

**Mark Illilli**: "Anyways where would you like to go?"

**Ayeka**: "To the beach please."

Tenchi and the gang sat in their seats as they watched the Alaskan wilderness go by. In the distance he thought he was looking at half human half animal figures walking in the woods.

**Tenchi**: "Mark…what are those?"

**Mark**: "Oh those? Furries. I hate those things. They walk upright like us but they think they are significant in this world."

**Tenchi**: "Are they dangerous?"  
**Mark**: "Not really."

**Tenchi**: "Then what's the problem"

**Mark**: "I think you should figure that out for yourself."

**Tenchi**: "Great"

Soon the bus reached the beach.

**Mark**: "Well here we are. Enjoy!"

The gang hopped out of the bus to find the beach more of a mud hole. There was no sand. Just mud and rocks as well as the mountains.

**Tenchi**: "I'm sure once we get in the water it will be fun. Race you all!"

Tenchi and the girls charged to the water. As they hit the surface they stopped and ran the other way.

**Ayeka**: "Shit that was cold!! Tenchi why did you allow that demon-whore to bring us here!?"

**Tenchi**: "It seemed like a good idea at the time. We still have a few days left."

**Ayeka**: "I'm not waiting a few days…RRRRGGGHH!!!"

Ayeka's face turned into King Leonidas from _300 _and walked over to the bus.

**Ayeka**: "This is SPARTTTAAA!!!"

She kicked the bus knocking it over landing on Mark Illilli crushing him. She then went Super Saiyan and flew towards Anchorage. The others just sat and watched wondering how they were going to get back now the bus was totaled.

**Tenchi**: "Looks like we're walking…no wait! Kiyone remember a few weeks ago?

**Kiyone**: "I'm right there with you!

**Mihoshi**: "Same here!"

**Washu**: "What are you three doing?"

Tenchi, Kiyone, Mihoshi: "IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZAR!! BLAAUGH!!!"

The lazar destroyed the surrounding mountains.

**Washu**: "You guys! Stop! There are endangered animals that live here…wait….nevermind I guess I'll contribute. This state sucks ass!"

Washu held up a device and hit a button.

**Washu**: Time to nuke this state from orbit!"

**Tenchi**: "Wait we're still in it!"

**Washu**: "Don't worry it will start up North then work it's way South. We still have time to get Ayeka….

A white flash went off next to them disintegrating everything including them, except Washu because she's too damn adorable to die! Back in Anchorage Ayeka grew 100 times her normal height and went Godzilla on the city. People ran but were killed by her lazars. A massive quake hit and out of the ground Longcat grew matching the height of Ayeka. The battle was on. Claws and fists contacted but both competitors stood their grounds. Ayeka snapped out of her rage state and saw the city in ruins. She thought for a moment.

**Ayeka**: "I know how to make this state a better place!"

It only took her a few minutes to run to the Alaska/Canada border. She charged and fired her lazar on the border separating Alaska from Canada. Then she pushed Alaska all the way down to Hawaii where she lifted up the massive state and placed it on top of the Hawaiian islands. Longcat just disappeared into the air while Ayeka shrank back down to her normal size. When she reached the shore it was still muddy but the water was now much warmer. It was what she wanted all along.

2 weeks later…

The _Northwestern_ was stranded in the middle of the Bering Sea out of fuel.

**Sig Hansen**: "Where the hell is Alaska??!! It's not even on radar anymore!!"

Back in tropical Alaska:

Washu came up from behind Ayeka who was relaxing in a lawn chair on the muddy shore.

**Ayeka**: "Miss Washu! Where have you been? Where are the others?"

**Washu**: "They got nuked but I can bring them back to life later."

**Ayeka**: "Very well. Without demon woman here to bother me…wait…NO TENCHI!?!?!"

**Washu**: "Give it a break would you? Just enjoy yourself. I'm going to go find a place to build my dream home. Caio!"

Today's winner(s): AYEKA, WASHU

(**And that's it for my second installation of my random Tenchi adventures…or rather misadventures. I plan on making more random stories so stay tuned and enjoy!)**


	3. Video Games!

**Random Tenchi Story III**

(**Sorry it's taken so long. If you guys like this one I will make number 4! Tenchi is owned by Hitoshi Okuda. By the way this is M for mature!)**

The Masaki household. Tenchi Masaki's life was forever changed when 6 alien women visited him from afar and decided to make a seemingly permanent residence in his home. Since their stay all sort of wacky fun filled adventures led them to the brink of insanity and even death as we saw in the last two stories. A few days after the Alaska incident everyone who perished was once again brought back into existence by none other than Washu, the greatest scientific genius in the universe. It was about half an hour before the sun came up as Nobuyki, Tenchi's father, watched the news as he prepared for work. On the news was the major story of Alaska's relocation to Hawaii.

**Nobuyuki**: "Man (he said as he nom'd some cereal) who would do such a thing? Anyways, off to work. Come to think of it there really isn't anything to do around here. Tenchi is constantly working as well as the girls. I should give them something as a gift to thank them…but what?"

Nobuyuki thought for a few minutes as he put his jacket on and walked out the door to his van.

**Nobuyuki**: "I've got it! The video game system we currently have is old and outdated. Time for an upgrade. I'll get them the best system out there!"

With that Nobuyuki cheerfully drove to Okayama looking forward to purchasing a new video game system.

As usual Sasami was the first one up after Nobuyuki left fulfilling her voluntary duties to make a hearty breakfast for the rest of the residents living in the home. She turns on the stove and reaches into the cabinet as a mouse trap snaps on her pinky.

**Sasami**:"!!!!"

After removing the anti-rodent device from her finger she inspects it as she discovers it has Washu's signature crab symbol on it.

**Sasami**: "That bitch Washu! I'll make her a special breakfast!"

Reaching back into the cabinet she finds a bottle of Indian Vindaloo hot sauce. Setting it next to a bottle of drain cleaner she grabs pots and pans off the walls dowsing them with cooking spray. Along with those she cracks several eggs and starts placing them in the pans. The smell of the eggs cooking now filled the home as the satisfying scent woke up everyone else in the house. Washu leaves her lab after a good 9 hour sleep which was rare for her. As she put her foot into the entrance of the kitchen she saw an incoming oversized mallet that Sasami named: "_**The Spanker**_." Stepping back just in time she avoided Sasami's attack reminding her that no one was allowed in the kitchen until the food was ready. The impact of the hammer hitting the floor caused the whole house to shake. As Mihoshi left her room a loose brick on the ceiling fell from the hammer vibration. It landed on her head knocking her out. Kiyone soon followed noticing Mihoshi sprawled out on the wooden floor.

**Kiyone**: "Mihoshi wake up! That's what you have a bed for!"

Not realizing the cause of the situation Kiyone just picked her up and fireman carried her down to the living room. Ayeka was the next to leave her room. The first step she took out of the room led to a sharp pain, stepping on a shard of the brick that just broke over Mihoshi's head.

**Ayeka**: "Gobb-Knobbling Fuckmints!!"

The entire house fell silent for a moment as everyone was surprised to hear what they thought was the first Princess of Jurai let out the most unusual profanity they had ever heard.

**Kiyone**: "Ayeka was that you?"

**Ayeka**: "Err…no it was Ryoko!"

**Kiyone**: "Nice try. Are you alright up there?"

**Ayeka**: "No. Someone decided to do some remodeling and left a brick in the hallway. Now a part of it is stuck in my foot!"

**Kiyone**: "Brick? Wait a second?"

She looks at Mihoshi's forehead noticing a massive welt.

**Kiyone**: "Ohhhhhhh. HA! That's hilarious!"

Ryoko now steps out of her room and makes it down the stairs without incident leaving Ayeka upstairs to hobble down to the living room by herself. She reeked of sake sitting down next to Kiyone and Mihoshi who was now coming to.

**Kiyone**: "Could you at least put the bottle down for a day? An hour even?"

**Ryoko**: "Why? It's a gift that was given to us and I intend to keep on using it."

**Mihoshi**: "Oh my head…where am I? I want some…sake…"

**Kiyone**: "Mihoshi don't even start. You haven't had breakfast anyways."

The last of the household individuals to awaken was none other than Tenchi himself. Cautiously waking up he looked around for any hints that may suggest that he was going to get raped again. On his doorknob was an envelope attached to a string. He opened it to find a small device similar to an electronic car door lock. On it was a note from Washu reading: "Click the button. I know you want to." A sense of fear came over him knowing what Washu was capable of. Minutes later he decided to press the button. He then vanished from his room.

**Washu**: "Hey, is breakfast almost done? We're kind of hungry over here and…"

Throwing knifes come from the kitchen whizzing by Washu's face and arms planting themselves in the wall behind her.

**Sasami**: "Go ahead! Ask me if breakfast is ready one more time!"

Not inquiring any further Washu refrained from talking while Kiyone found the TV remote and turned on the television. Right away she sees an abnormality.

**Kiyone**: "Everyone look! Call me insane but I think Tenchi is on TV!"

**Everyone else**: "HUH?"

Sure enough on the same news channel Tenchi was pounding on the TV screen from the inside.

**Tenchi**: "Girls! Get me out of here! White people are everywhere!!"

**Girls**: "…."

**Ayeka**: "Not sure what he means by that but we need get him out!"

**Ryoko**: "Washu! I know you're behind this so get him out."  
**Washu**: "I see he's tried my device I left on his door knob. Let me see the remote, Kiyone."

**Sasami**: "I know we should help Tenchi guys but breakfast is ready."

**Ayeka**: "Sasami, not now we're…"

Sasami fires an AK-47 into the ceiling resulting in the girls rushing to the table. As she gets ready to serve them Sasami accidentally grabs the bottle of drain cleaner, not looking, and pours it into the plate intended for Washu. When she gives the girls their plates Washu instantly smells the strong bleach smell coming from her plate and switches it with Mihoshi.

**Mihoshi**: "Hey why did you switch our plates?"

**Washu**: "Because there's more food on that plate. You like to eat anyways."

**Mihoshi**: "Oh really? Thanks!"

**Washu**: "Your welcome…fat ass pig (in whisper)"

**Mihoshi**: "Huh?"

**Washu**: "Dat grass big is what I said"

**Mihoshi**: "Oh…ha-ha!"

After breakfast the girls completely forgot about Tenchi in the television. Soon 5pm rolled around and Nobuyuki walked through the front door. He called out to all the girls.

**Nobuyuki**: "Ok girls…say where's Tenchi? Oh well. Anyways you've all been working very hard keeping the house intact for the most part and paying your rent. So to say thank you to all of you I brought you this!"

He pulls out a new video game console.

**Ryoko**: "That's just a box that says Xbox 360 on it"

**Ayeka**: "Nigga please, you have to open it first!"

**Kiyone**: "You retards. It's obvious he just got us a brand new Xbox 360 so please drop the stupid act. It's bad enough I have to put up with Mihoshi's antics"

**Nobuyuki**: "Speaking of which where is she?"

**Kiyone**: "Mihoshi? I think she's dead. She accidently had some drain cleaner for breakfast."  
**Washu**: "(Snickers)

**Nobuyuki**: "That's too bad. She would have loved this thing. Oh and I bought a few games too. There in the bag. I'm going upstairs to change. Have fun with the new system."

**Sasami**: "I get first dibs. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II. Sounds good to me! How do we set this thing up?"  
**Washu**: "The genius always has to do the work around here. Give me the cables"

Minutes later the cables are plugged in and the system is ready to go.

**Sasami**: "Xbox live…what's that?"

**Washu**: "It's how you play online against other players worldwide. It looks like it comes with a free 69 year trial"

**Sasami**: "Well bitch hook me up. I'm gonna pwn some noobs!"

**Washu**: "(Do I kill her now or later?)

After getting to the main screen Sasami finds an Xbox live match and joins in. Right away she begins dominating the round until a white-robed figure appears dodging every attack. It was Tenchi in his Jurai battle uniform.

**Sasami**: "Wow I get to fight Tenchi on Xbox live. How cool is that?!"

**Ayeka**: "Wait Sasami! That's the real Tenchi. I completely forgot about him because we were too busy dumping Mihoshi's dead body into the river!"

**Ryoko**: "I'll blast him out"

**Sasami**: "If you do anything as to interfere with my game play so help me kami I will break every one of those fingers off and shove them so far up your ass you'll shit fingernails for weeks!"

**Washu**: "Show of hands…kill Sasami now?"  
**Girls**: "Aye"

**Sasami**: "Wait a second…!!!"

Nobuyuki leaves from the shower into his room to dry off. As he looks out the window he sees what looks like a young girl with aqua green hair's body floating down the river just by their house.

**Nobuyuki**: "Wow that fish looks just like Sasami"

Nobuyuki walks downstairs to find the girls gathered around the television taking turns trying to shoot Tenchi on Call of Duty.

**Nobuyuki**: "Girls not to be pushy but usually Sasami is making dinner around this time. Where is she anyways?"

**Ayeka**: "She went to go sleep with the fish"

**Nobuyuki**: "So what about dinner?"

**Ryoko**: "We ordered pizza so don't worry about it. If you want to be helpful do you think you can buy some alcohol?"

**Nobuyuki**: "I suppose. Be right back"

**Ryoko**: "You know this isn't that bad. I kind of like Tenchi in the TV"

**Tenchi**: "Girls please stop this! Noob tubes and knife fags! I can't hold them off forever!"

**Washu**: "Just a little longer Tenchi. Besides if you die in the game you'll just respawn"

**Mihoshi**: "Hey guys! Oh I love video games!"

**Washu**: "Hey Miho…wait a second! You're alive!?"

**Mihoshi**: "What do you mean? I just passed out in the river that's all"

A random pterodactyl swoops down into the house and carries Mihoshi off into the mountains. Then the doorbell rings.

**Ryoko**: "I'll get it. I bet it's the pizza"

**Ayeka**: "All we need is some sake"

**Washu**: "Forget that. I feel like a good beer"

**Ryoko**: "Anyone want to get high?"

**Ayeka**: "On what?"

**Ryoko**: "I don't know"

**Washu**: "Isn't that going a bit far?"

**Ryoko**: "Not at all. I bet Nobuyuki has something hiding in the closet."

Ryoko walks to the closet by the front door and opens it disappointed only to find jackets and shoes. A further look reveals a natural gas pipe that connects with the gas burner in the kitchen.

**Ryoko**: "Bingo"

Ryoko breaks it releasing the gas into the house. She then rejoins Ayeka and Washu on the couch with game controllers.

**Ryoko**: "What are you playing now?"

**Ayeka**: "I think this is Halo 3? These Earth games are so confusing"

**Washu**: "No I'm sure it's just that you are a complete retard"

Half an hour passes as the gas continues to leak into the house. Washu decides to go back into her lab leaving Ryoko and Ayeka on the couch high as Olympus Mons on Mars.

**Ryoko**: "You know…that was a great idea"  
**Ayeka**: "What…what..was…pizza!!!"

**Ryoko**: "The gas pipe. I have no idea what's going on right now"

Ryoko and Ayeka are sitting back on the couch looking up at the ceiling laughing at nothing. The natural gas is slowly taking effect.

**Ryoko**: "You know…I have an idea"

**Ayeka**: "What's….tha….that"

**Ryoko**: "Hehehehe…we…should…break more pipes!"

**Ayeka**: "Hey great idea!!"

Ayeka finds a monkey wrench under the sink and breaks the stove and microvave. She then takes all the kitchen utensils and puts them in the blender. Ryoko takes the couch and flushes it down the toilet. Kiyone, passed out completely on the couch, goes with it.

**Ryoko**: "What else can I flush…the TV!!"

**Tenchi**: "Ryoko! Thank goodness. Are you finally going to get me out of here? Hey wait why are we in the bathroom? Ryoko get me out of the toilet!" FLUSH "Ryoko! ….."

**Ryoko**: "What's next? Oooooh!! Where's Ryo-oh-ki!?"

She finds Ryo-oh-ki, grabs her, and walks to the kitchen. She was planning on putting her in the microwave but Ayeka already put the microwave in the blender. All around the kitchen were the powdery remains of whatever Ayeka blended, utensils, food, pictures, car keys, glass, a computer, Tenchi's school books, Sasami's apron, and even Nobuyuki's paycheck. Ryoko just laughed and fell backwards letting go of Ryo-oh-ki as she ran out of the house.

**Ryoko**: "You know, I haven't had this much fun in a long time!"

**Ayeka**: "I know…we should do this more often. Let's watch some TV"

**Ryoko**: "We can't…the TV…it's…I flushed it down the toilet…"

**Ayeka**: "……"

**Ryoko**: "……"

Ryoko and Ayeka burst into a hysterical laugh that shattered all the windows in the house. This continued on for several minutes before Ryoko came up with another ingenious plan. She pulls out some cigars.

Ryoko: "Ok. Let's have a smoke together."  
Ayeka: "I haven't smoked for ages but I have this feeling we shouldn't do that here…I don't know why though…oh well. Light me up!"

Ryoko pulls out a lighter and flicks it…

**KAAAAABOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!**

In Washu's lab she completes making duplicates of the household appliances that were lost knowing what she was going to see when she opened the door to the house. As she expected the house was a crater. Outside the front yard Nobuyuki was in tears as his house was non-existent.

**Washu**: "Cheer up."

**Nobuyuki**: "How can I cheer up? My house is decimated…again!"

**Washu**: "I'll just bring it back (she said taking a sip of her beer)"

**Nobuyuki**: "Where's everyone else?"

**Washu**: "Well Tenchi was flushed…probably in the septic tank now. Kiyone too. Mihoshi was carried off by a dinosaur which I can't even explain. Ayeka and Ryoko were in that explosion so I don't know where they are."

**Nobuyuki**: "Is it still too late to party?"

**Washu**: "(Grinning) It's never too late."

Out of the ground giant speakers emerge and the beats of heavy techno dance music play as Washu and Nobuyuki dance the night away.

**Today's winners**: Washu, Nobuyuki, Ryo-oh-ki


End file.
